House Guests and Hammering

Sorry this space has been so quiet my darlings, I assure you that the blog is a bit slow because everything else in my life right now is anything but.

I am just days away from releasing the new shop line, I've increased my reps to almost double in under two months without my workout routine, and I've been running around like a madwoman trying to find time for my loved ones, like the amazing Manda Marie who came over to visit for a few days. She was kind enough to take all of these photos with her wonderful camera while I attempted to write articles.

OH YEAH I SHAVED MY HEAD

And sort of joined a gang...

The top brass says Las Lobas and the bottom copper says Honor

Every photo in those rows was found on tumblr :3

On this wall you can find ska music posters, and now an alto sax fingering chart, as I've taken up playing it again

my lovely altar with its latest additions: the Strength card from my last reading and a reiki-charged Gratitude candle

Shells and reef fossils from my trip to the Keys last summer, with blue obsidian and my bottle of holy water

Lets play I Spy, find the Mace in this photo

SO CLOSE TO LAUNCH I CAN TASTE IT.

Thats it! I will try to have my usual words for you all on Wednesday, and I should really start posting music on the regular, seeing as I have and listen to SO MUCH OF IT, and its a pretty constant force in my life. Check out my 8tracks widget to see what I've been mixing up lately, otherwise keep your eyes peeled for more words, tunes, and magick <3

Mid-Week Words

Journal, entry dated 2/5/14-
The only way to prove it is with progress and success.
Honor the mistake as much as the victory. Take time when needed, but don't waste it when it is not.
One word and one swing of the hammer at a time.

from the Sigil of Azazel-
Eve was stubborn to the point of foolishness, and cunning to the point of something which most would regard as slightly less than human, though as Azazel exhaled the smoke from his tired lungs, he wondered if that trait was learned over time. He was crushing the still burning end of his cigarette between this thumb and forefinger at the thought of it, the flesh of his finger tips turning black and sizzling while it extinguished.

David may have been doubtful, and Phenex may have been hesitant, but Azazel was not. From the moment she surprised him with an elbow to the ribs and took off like a hell hound after a fresh death, he knew that Eve Spellmeyer was the single most infuriating and terrifying human being he had ever met.

Reflections of Jaguars and Sea Serpents

I woke up this morning with a terrible head cold from a terrifying and exciting dream of magick and monsters lurking in the shallow depths of a flooded parking lot. I was chased, I was powerful, but I was free. It was as horrifying and dangerous as it was thrilling and amazing. Its downpouring outside and I wonder about bodies of water and portals to hidden worlds and take notes on mythology and things to look into for a possible story idea or ten.

I also look into the reflection and see my beautiful animal guide gazing back at me.

I'm sitting on my couch with my new laptop in hand, movers for the apartment across the hall going up and down the stairs making Tuscany jumpy, rain pitter-pattering on the skylight overhead and grey skies choking out what little sunlight we get this time of year, and its not sad or lonesome, but actually instills a great sense of awe.

This same time last year I was nervous and timid and so very, very afraid. It may not show much in my blogging updates, as I tend to speak only on subjects I feel strongly about (usually strongly upset about, but its that sense of anger that pushes me to speak my mind so often), but for a very long time I was simply petrified that I wouldn't be good enough, that in every relationship I had to try so very hard to cover up and hide so that the person I was with would never see me for the wretched human being I truly was.

I don't feel that way anymore.

This past year has not been easy. Leaving my last relationship was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, to truly grow the hell up and put bills and rent and all of my life's needs in my hands only, is not something I felt confident in doing. But here I am, 9 months later and I'm still going. And though things are tough financially, spiritually and emotionally I'm not just getting by, I'm thriving.

I know I am not where I want to be. Sigil stands as of late last night somewhere around 36.8k, and its probably going to take somewhere from 90-100k to complete properly. Its a hefty urban fantasy with a great deal of world building as well as cultural history to convey properly the history and lives of my demons. The shop could be better, and I could be fitter, I am simply prone to distraction and like to believe I am a better multitasker than I truly am. (Read as- I cannot actually write or create as quickly with Netflix in the background as I can with simply music)

Despite how little I have accomplished physically, I've accomplished a great deal emotionally. I am happy, for the first time in a long time. I don't feel angry more often than excited, or lonesome more often than warm. Of course I have my stresses and there are still days where I question the base natures of my sanity or general lack there-of, but they do not outnumber the smiles and the laughter. For the longest time when someone would ask me what my goal was, I would tell them it is just to be happy. Now I can say I simply want to gain knowledge and skill to be successful in the passions I live for to create a life of my own that satisfies me to the marrow of my bones. 

For that to happen, I need to get crackin on the shop, bang out Sigil (maybe I'll shoot for a first draft by Mabon?), and perhaps find even more gainful employment. It certainly does not hurt to look. 

I tend to fall quiet in the colder months, so this little space of mine may be void of my presence from time to time, but rest assured the silence is here is merely myself working elsewhere.  I'll try to keep posted as I move along, but the great shift is upon me now, and though I have truly have no idea what it brings, I am elated to see where it takes me.  

My cat-child Tuscany

I hail from a family of "dog people". They all say the same thing "cats are just too anti-social, not very loving" I've been through five dogs with my folks, two of which were/are pitbulls (which are THE BEST dogs and you should adopt one for a bazillion reasons), but when I moved out three years ago, dogs could not happen. Dogs still cannot happen, but thats okay, because for years I was spending most of days in a house full of cats, which is where I adopted my beautiful darling cat-child Tuscany.

Tuscany is a three year old tortoise calico, and its hard to believe that when we first moved to Fitchburg she was so very shy. Today she delights my friends with her chatty ways (she really loves to meow and chirp and I've sort of deciphered what they all mean), loves to run laps, and if I leave my ivy plant within reach she will eat it. 

I really wish my mother weren't so deathly allergic because Tuscany has many nicknames, one of which is currently Cling Wrap. She is not independent, but rather the exact opposite of. I have taken to wearing my falling apart Fitchburg State hoodie around the house every morning because as soon as I'm in the kitchen making the coffee this cat will use the chairs behind me to climb my back, where she will reside on my shoulder until such time she deems fit to dismount. I can lean into the fridge to get coffee creamer, pour myself a cuppa, sit at my desk, this cat gives no fucks. 

I cannot even close the door to take a bath without her crying at the door, so I just leave it open and now she comes in and joins me. I've taken to just bringing an egg or two when I forgo bubbles just to let her have her fun/make me laugh. She also learned to bark at dogs while we lived at Fitchburg, has been caught growling at my neighbors going up the stairs, and will play fetch with a chosen few toys. 

In short: I've become convinced so far that this creature is really a dog in a very convincing disguise. A dog who wanted to climb things so bad she turned herself into a cat so she could do just that. She is my constant companion in this crazy thing I currently call life, and I love her ever so for brightening my days, and headbutting me into awakeness every morning. 

A Busy Week In The Creep Cave

I apologize for getting so behind this week gang. I'm on a trial period for a new writing gig that has currently been devouring my time to the point that I don't have enough hours to sleep, let alone keep up with my blog posts. I received yesterdays tasks earlier than usual though, so I was able to finish them at the early hour of 7:30pm, instead of my usual midnight deadline. 

Tuscany bugging mama during a short break to stretch

I haven't gotten around to writing any poetry on the fridge just yet. I wanted to, but my cards were calling to me, so while the boyfriend passed out early (we are both horribly sleep deprived as of late) I did the following spread.

The spread I chose is called the sword, and it seemed fitting because I've been 'stalked' by the Ace of Swords in nearly every reading I've done in the past six months. A friend of mine did a reading for me last Saturday, and the card still came up. It failed to make an appearance here, but many of the cards in this spread are the same he pulled last week, and in similar positions of correspondence. 

The deck you see is a beautifully illustrated Shakespearean tarot set I received as a gift years ago. It is my favorite by far, and I could never imagine another set better than this. 

I'm hoping this trial period will be over soon, and that I can hopefully either get back into the swing of things, or adhere to a new schedule where everything happily fits in. 

Settling In Spencer

Its been a little over a week since the move and things are finally starting to come together.
It is really lovely here. I think I'm under the spell of Spencer. Its so blissfully quiet, and the high ceilings have wonderful acoustics for singing. And I can hoop in the living room without hitting anything! Tuscany is enjoying running laps, napping wherever the sun hits, and yelling at me from room to room. 

I've gotten a few prospective job nibbles, which I'm hoping to hear good news from once the work week is in full swing again.
The main rooms are almost done, while the study is something of a disaster zone. I've gotten most of the unpacking done otherwise, but the desk is need of repairs so the study will take some time. 

I sort of accidentally blacked my hair. Don't blow-dry Revlon Color Silk Deep Burgundy and then leave it in for two hours. Learn from my mistakes. But it did work in one respect- it is refusing to wash out! It will at least look nice for job interviews for the next month or so.

I hope everyone's enjoying the New Year! My resolution is to live above everyone's influence. And write everyday.