I don't play nice. I'm not a nice friend. I will tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear. I will call you on your mistakes, just as I call myself out on my own. I'm protective, blunt, and at times painfully honest.
I am not a nice person, but I am a good person.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
Forgiveness, patience, and trust may sound like totally different concepts, but for me they all come from the same place, and are found in the same manner. I don't trust easily, I don't forgive easily, and my patience which was once in abundance is short now. My time is the most precious thing to me. I keep healthy to have more of it, try to eat right so I have enough energy to make the most out of it, and I truly can't sit still for longer than a few episodes of a show before I have to be doing something, even if I am in pleasurable company. I'm lucky that the people I hold close understand this, and don't mind me sketching shop items, writing books, or even just sanding metal while we curl up and watch something.
As such, I don't take the time to deal with unnecessary bullshit anymore. This is not to say that I don't forgive, or trust, or have patience at all, I do. But just as anything else is with me, it must be earned. I don't take time out of my day for anyone, in fact very few people will ever see me face to face, because there are only a few souls whose company I enjoy enough to pry myself from working on my shop or writing my novels. While that may be odd for most, here is a concept that shouldn't be.
Forgiveness, trust, and patience must be earned.
Don't give them out to anyone, because not everyone you meet is worthy of it, and that's okay. It is okay not to forgive people, it doesn't make you any less of a person, it makes them a shitty person for not getting their crap together. It is okay not to trust people, and doing so before you truly get to know a person is 9 times out of 10 not going to end well. Last of all, patience. Give patience only to those who are going to earn it by making the changes needed in their lives. People who constantly screw you over, hurt you, or generally make your life worse in any way without doing anything positive for it, are not worth your patience. If a person doesn't impact your life in any positive manner, you are allowed to not trust them, not give them your patience, and not forgive them.
Patience is a necessity to positive and loving relationships. Trust is necessary to learning the truth, and keeping someone around to figure it out. Forgiveness is vital when its earned. When someone starts to move in a path I approve of, I forgive them, whether its been a month or a year. But forgetting is just plain stupid. Don't forget, forgetting the past just about dooms you and others to repeat it. I don't forget my mistakes, I honor them.
But honor is another word for another time.
Light and love always,
your friendly neighborhood Creep
I am with you on this. Especially about forgiveness. It has to be earned, and sometimes it can't be. Forgiveness is a concept I struggle with a lot, but you know that I suppose :)
ReplyDelete<3 I love you xoxo
I do, and that's okay :3 You're in a place where you're just beginning to feel it all out, and that's okay. It's good, and I'm proud of you for trying.
ReplyDeleteI love you too <3