Monday, February 24, 2014

Life Lessons (a post inspired by Manda Marie)

  1. Don't listen to fucking assholes. Just don't. Walk away. Make them run away if possible. Then have a peach cause you are one.
  2. Don't fucking apologize for shit that you don't feel sorry for. Cackle maniacally. Throw back your shoulders. Hold your head high. Think murder. And walk. When they ask why you aren't sorry, continue to cackle like the glorious beast you truly are until they run away with their tail between their legs.
  3. Be yourself. Even if it's terrifying. Especially if its terrifying. 
  4. Making out in your kitchen is always a good idea. Making out near your glass of wine is not. Or next to your altar of bones and the slain bodies of your enemies. 
  5. There is a time for being nice, and smudging your house from the negative energy that shitty people bring into it is not it. 
  6. You are under no obligation to defend your personal beliefs or emotions. You have every given right to politely tell them to get the hell out. Or not politely. With a weapon of some sort.
    -I prefer a personal item of said asshole and random chanting in a preferably made-up language.
  7. When someone tries to get you down, just imagine yourself rising about them. Six feet above them.
  8. You don't have to be any type of gender-associated thing that anyone or any post tells you to be. Even mine. Be a tree, be a werewolf, be a goddamn unicorn. Anytime you hear the words "You don't have to be," just stop and sing your anthem as loud as you please. Or just howl. 
  9. There are zero negative consequences to cutting or dying your hair. Snarl aggressively at anyone who suggests otherwise. Maintain the posture of a pissed off jaguar for maximum effect. 
  10. The answer to every situation you are not currently 100% okay with can be found in bad puns and snark. Dramatic and awkward conversation? Make a bad pun. Intense break-up? Make a really bad pun. Really shitty moment with people who pretend to care for you, but are actually just fucking assholes with shitty selfish intentions on your person? Snark, sarcasm, and more bad puns. 
A necessary list be you human or abominable snowman. I hope these help you lovely monsters of all shapes and sizes to navigate life a little bit easier <3



    1. Tis the Creep life yo <3
      Also my ridiculous white-girl rapping about Parrinski this morning XD


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