I've gotten into the habit of every so often posting little confessions onto my tumblr, and I've had it in my head for months now to do a Sunday Confessional post, where I share a few choice ones with my audience here. I hope that, if nothing else, it helps you learn to confess your own truths, be they humorous or dark, unto yourself in order to find what you're truly made of.
I haven’t changed the batteries of the one analog clock in the house for at least eight months, and will challenge anyone who tells me to do so that every reminder puts this off another month, but still, I always hear the clock ticking.
Its not a biological clock. Its just a clock. It is not for children or marriage or romance. Its just a clock. A clock of words and jewelry, of books and beauty, of exercise and witchcraft. It is a clock of things which are necessary for my happiness, and the reminder that I have great longings in me, and thus must go to great lengths to achieve them.
The clock is 48 novels and metal working and a Masters in Library Sciences and the ability to bring my body to its peak.
And when I stop, even for a moment, for an hour, I hear the ticking, and it will not stop until I get moving.
A friend of mine, or I suppose an acquaintance now, told me not too long ago that I acted if I didn’t want anyone to love me. Its a phrase that stuck with me until I could manage to suss it out for myself.
Its not that I do not wish for someone to care about me, I just don’t expect them to.
After a fairly fucked up childhood, and a string of further fucked up relationships, and even very old friends leaving and now continuing to talk shit about me (which is lovely, see how far that gets you), caring and loving is not the outcome I expect anymore.
If you run the numbers, I get used more often than not, and the caring and the loving is just a fucking ruse to get what they want.
I can count the people I genuinely love who love me in return on one hand, and some days I question even that.
Edit- FYI, I’m not ashamed of any of this. I’m only ashamed that I had to open Google to properly spell ‘ruse’.
(it sounded stupid and French-like okay, don’t judge me)
I can figure out how to engrave malachim by combining various metal stamping patterns. I can outline 8 books in a series and make it fucking compelling and badass.
I cannot for the life of me figure out how to successfully tie a stretch cord to make a simple goddamn bracelet for Eerie Enchantments, and my last attempt left my hands so covered in super glue that I cried while getting it off.
If you can teach me how I will seriously be forever in your debt and basically make you whatever you want in my inventory.
/Creep How Did You Even Survive This Long?
*whispers to the voices in her head* ;’I dooooont knooooow’
Thanks for reading!
Light and love always,
your friendly neighborhood Creep