Saturday, March 2, 2013

Wordy Weekend: The Rewrite Begins!

After much consideration (and Jeff's insistent nagging, thank you darling!), I give you the new introduction for the Sigil of Azazel, now in third person! 

In a room found in the Land of the Fell (commonly known by human-kind as Hell), two demons stared at a looking glass in disbelief. Within its depths they could see the image of a young woman, slender and icy, typing vigorously at a desktop computer. Her skin is as pale as the lesser demon, who is a few shades lighter from his superior’s fury.

The demons did not have horns, or tails, or cloven feet. They were in fact very humanoid in appearance. The furious leader of the Warden looked like a handsome man in his mid-thirties, tall, powerful, and aged like the finest pinot noir. This was the first time he had been summoned back to his homeland for longer than a few minutes in over three hundred years. His profile looked like Roman Age art, all sharp lines and stunning shadows. But his smile was never warm, and always a nightmare. It is matched only by his petrifying glare, rumored to stop armies and cause the bravest of holy men to leap to their deaths, now being currently wielded upon his servant, a very minor and inexperienced demon named Charron.  

“Who is she?”

“I do not know sir, she isn’t in the records.”
Azazel turned to his assistant with an expression that was often followed by the removal of body parts.

“Then you missed something.”

“There is no record of a female birth sir, I made certain of it.”
The duke of the Fell snarled, turning back to the vision of the woman who shouldn’t be there at all.

“Then the Glass is wrong.”

“No sir, it is correct,” the gray-skinned demon flinched, gesturing to the map of the human world mounted on the wall above them. On it burned a new pinpoint of light that had not before, over the city of Chicago.

Azazel focused the Glass on a slim piece of paper taped across along the top of the monitor. ‘Print instructions for lab 203 – use your IADT card.’ The demon grinned, briefly. At least she wouldn’t be difficult to find. He couldn’t simply bring himself to her either. Such magic required an ingredient he did not have – her blood. A sample was taken at the birth of every success for exactly this purpose. He could not risk appearing in the middle of a night class, or startling his newest charge.

Normally they were approached much younger than she, so that when the time came, the pupils would be prepared. The records had never been wrong before, not once in the thousands of years since their inception. Azazel, who answered only to Lucifer himself, could not yet fathom how. But it was no matter, the demon had no time to lose.

That was how the demon left without reporting to his boss, or going out the door, and how neither he, nor his servant, noticed the grinning incubus lurking just outside. This demon did not share Azazel’s concern.  

Its coming out sort of...cheeky? I'm enjoying it a lot so far though. I think we're going to get a lot more out of it now, a much better story overall. What do you think?

1 comment:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...