Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I Understand The Language Of The Waves

I have the feeling lately where so much has been going on in my life, and yet so little, all at once. There is a huge, vast sea of it, of things shifting and settling, tossing me about in the waves. I don't really like to talk to most people about any of it, and I find it funny and odd that my life is one where my mother calls to see how I am. I feel like I've maybe, hopefully, learned to float and ride them out, but you never known when another rogue wave is going to come along. So of course, with all of the strange and the change, I started to wonder, what have I been doing lately?

Nommages. Applesauce and peanut butter sandwiches. I swear I'm not five, I'm just poor. And applesauce goes down really well in the mornings. I like that I can just inhale and throw myself into the shower. It was actually warm enough a few days ago (I say this as the world is covered in snow, again) that I was able to drink an iced coffee from the lovely owner of John's Pizza. Processed food is slowly slinking its way back in, as thats what we have in the fridge at the moment, but I'm hoping to go to the store with my latest paycheck and fix that. 

Listening. All of the things? My playlist has been as hectic as my life lately, changing constantly to suit what I'm doing. I find it sort of helps to program my brain and keep on whatever task I'm supposed to be doing and not drifting into Distraction Land. I listen to a mix called Jazz It Up when I'm working. The Spill Canvas has been my Read and Relax band of late. When I need to get my ass in gear, its Industrial Love with tons of Faderhead, Grendel, and the like. I can never seem to fully get Depeche Mode out of my head either. 

Writing. Articles and notes. I work as a part-time blogger now which I am SUPER excited and happy about because its a paycheck, and an albeit supposedly reliable one, which is a strange new field of territory in the world of writing for me. I don't think I've ever been so excited over a W4 before. Slow and steady has been Sigil lately, and its mostly come in the form of notes. I've sort of dived deep into the endless swimming pool of silly lovely fanfic that is the Teen Wolf fandom, and have been taking notes on characterization and how little actions can convey depth. I'm working hard to avoid flat characters and keep them lively and unique, just like the cast of TW does. 

Friendly Folks. Everyone in the world of the physical has been pretty busy as of late. I think I see my parents a lot more, but I'm pretty glad of it. I'm happy to see my Dad doing so well. I've been trying to keep in touch with him more and more and actually open up to him about things in hopes he'll grow to do the same with me. However, most of my human interaction is from lovely folks across the world who I hold very dear to my heart, my beautiful and fabulous Fandom Family, as they are called. I love talking to Katneto about writing classes, and hitting up Regulus about books and Lost Girl, and the family seems to be growing constantly. I think I have more online friends that normal friends, and I'm perfectly fine with that. 

Actions. I have fallen off the workout wagon again, but I still do my yoga and I am more flexible than ever. I'm actually really pleased with the way I look these days, so as much as I want to improve even more, I'm not really upset about slacking. Also much of my workout is muscle building and I'm a bit broke at the moment to afford more protein. I've been doing a lot more spellcraft lately, as well as things for Project Top Secret. I also took the Sara Bareilles song to heart and started taking photographs of sunsets every evening. Its a good reminder to do my spell craft too, as this has become my current "Witching Hour."

Inner-words. I hear the voice in my head yelling louder than ever lately. Its the one that constantly pushes, demands that I need do more, be more, and stop letting things slide. With myself, and others. It nudges gently at me to tell them all of the things I don't, and I feel like my life has become one of those things Mom's always tell you (not my mother) "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." But the worries are still there, writhing beneath that voice and bring about all of the questions I'm terrified to ask, because I'm not sure what the answers will be, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like them. Things are fragile, and tenuous, and I am a bull in a china shop, knowing damn well I am not going to get out of this without breaking something, so I sit, don't move, and focus on other things. 

"I have sea foam in my veins, I understand the language of waves."
 Le Testament d’Orphée (via allegorys)

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