My name is Suzanne Lahna, and I am addicted to progress. I feel constantly the need to keep working, keep moving, keep pressing forward. For the longest time, this has been a habit I could deal with. I don't sleep a lot, I don't go out much, but I've been fairly content this way for the longest time.
However, in the past few months, its finally begun to take its toll. Now I am rocking a delightful new array of painful medical problems, all of which only have one common factor- stress.
I've known I had TMD or temporomandibular jaw disorder for quite some time, but about a month ago it really ramped up and made my life a living hell. It didn't progress gradually, like I always figured it would when I read about it at work. I was fine one evening, going out on a long night walk after a glass of wine and another finished deadline. When I woke up the next morning my jaw hurt so badly I couldn't open it to swallow pulverized frozen peaches. I ended up grabbing one jaw with each hand and wrenching them open with a sound like a gun shot. I have yet to go in for treatment because I have no idea how much it will cost me, and I really just hate fighting with doctors over my wisdom teeth, which have grown in without any complications. I have a big mouth, I just also have a tendency to clench my jaw during anxiety spikes and I normally chew gum like a fiend.
I still really miss gum.
Now I also have a skin condition known as soborrheic dermatitis, which I have apparently had all of my life but have never had a flare up of until now. The only known causes of which are hormones, cold and dry weather, and stress. My skin after a week of the new meds is starting to clear up, though today it looks likes its trying to take a step back.
Essentially, stress is now actually beginning to physically affect my life. Hence my not blogging for the past month. I'm struggling to balance it all out. I'm fighting to demand more of others, rather than picking up the slack in silence like I have been while my brain tells me I literally do not have time to take care of everything. This space will either be very quiet or very noisy over the next few days while I figure it all out. There is much to do and a great deal to decide on, but I know that once I find a groove I'll be even better than ever.
It's all about sunshine, deep breaths, and words that relax and excite in equal measure.