Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Don't Look Back

One of the many things I realized during my time by the sea was how, in holding onto things, we never go anywhere. For a little while I allowed the idea to nest in my head that maybe one day down the road my ex would get it together, maybe he'd realize what we meant, what I meant, and how much I am worth as a person and the half of a relationship.

And then I realized, it doesn't matter. Because in letting that idea settle in, I block out the possibilities of other futures. I realized I needed to stop allowing people to stay in my life in which I give everything, and get nothing in return.

So when I came home from vacation I did two things immediately. I threw my bags into my brothers car, and told my father the same thing I had already told my mother on the ride home. That I'm done trying to clean up your messes, only to get more hell thrown back at me. I haven't spoken to either of them since, and if I get a call, my brother is kind of enough to screen them away from me.

I guess what I'm trying to say, it doesn't matter who they are, or what relationship they hold with you. It doesnt matter if its your parents, a long time friend, or a long time lover, if they aren't benefiting you in any way, you don't have to stick around.

You don't owe anyone anything.

Except your college loan holder, you probably owe them some money *curses Sallie Mae and their entirely nye-criminal existence*

If you pick at a scab, it never heals. And if you run in circles, you only tire yourself out, and never get anywhere.

So chart your own course, a new course, and make your own way of it.

I have promised myself to write fearlessly, and never look back.

Not for anyone, or anything.

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