Thursday, November 22, 2012

Taking Back Control

For days I've wanted to run and hide. Its always my initial response. When I'm confronted with a new problem my response is to run, and as I am fairly slim on people I feel I can run to, I simply want to run away. To curl up and cry and return to what feels safe and secure.

But I run no more.

I work now to confront that which scares me, that which I dislike, and that which I have been too afraid to speak or work or do.

I have been working to embrace myself fully and openly. I've realized I have neglected my witchy roots for so long, tiptoeing in and around it, when I what I needed most was to openly and completely embrace this power of the universe.

I went outside to my old outdoor altar, on the edge of the woods that line my parents' property. Its a beautiful spot on a rock bed that always seems betwixt worlds to me since I moved here as a child. The stream that divides our property trickles just a few feet away, and scores of blue jays and chickadees chattered around me in the trees.

 I came out there with only my obsidian orb, a lighter, and a simple white vanilla candle, dusted off the layers of decay to reveal the hand painted stones of my most sacred circle, and I sat, and I convened. I spoke the names of my chosen deities, and I spoke, and I listened, and I was reminded how I have stood on my own two feet for years. I have survived a great deal and accomplished much and will continue to do so. I was given power and knowledge and the understanding to wield them both.

I feel strong and pure.

I will not be ruled by my insecurities. I have forever feared failure, but if I work my hardest, I cannot fail.

And work I shall.

Everything feels clearer and brighter. I see the obstacles and avoid them with ease like never before. A moth escorts me from my woodland circle, and I see Aradia smiling upon me. A queen of queens.

This is what she wants.

This is what I want and need.

I can only be hurt if I allow myself to be.

I am unbreakable.

And I will not be swayed by anyone's heart or mind, save for my own.

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